When You're Mad
by tennisdesi91
Summary: Naruto reflects on the cycles of his relationship with Sakura


WOW … I turned 18 a few days ago and well … yeah. I just feel kind of weird now. All the same … I'm still a writer at heart so here's my gift to the fanfiction community. It's definitely different from my other stories. It's naruxsaku … but it's not.  
You can blame it on real world experience … I hope you guys like it.

Special thanks to Arkhe and his story "The Point" which has inspired me time and time again to keep moving forward and write this story.

* * *

When You're Mad

Sometimes I just feel liking yelling at my best-friend. I don't know if she does it on purpose but she's so clueless sometimes. I mean, she has to know that I've had a crush on her since the days we were in the academy.

Well … now that I think about it, I realize that what I feel towards is probably the most complex emotion I've ever felt. Those feelings … they're so deep but at the same time, it's cyclical.

I think I love her, and that's something I would never say because I believe that people shouldn't lightly say they love someone. I hope what I feel for her is love. But at the same time, I hope it isn't, cause I know that we'll never be together. This is how I feel whenever I really think about what we have:

Every morning, I get up, brush my teeth, take a shower, the works. By the time I arrived at the training site, I used to eagerly run over to where I'd see her every morning, greeting her before our daily missions. I'd say hi to her first; I'd flirt with her a little bit. But it just seemed that she'd somehow reject me every time.

So … I coped. I'd try to get closer to her as the day progresses, but she pushed me aside. And by the end of the day, I hadn't gotten anywhere. But I'd go home, promising myself that since today sucked, tomorrow had to better. Tomorrow would have to be my chance! And so I'd go to bed.

But tomorrow wasn't better. Neither was the day after. It seemed to me that no matter how much I tried, I couldn't pass this wall. We got close, but we were never _there_. I'd say I was her best friend that was a guy (on the non-dateable ladder). But I'd keep telling myself that things had to get better. After all, all these rejections and I was starting to get used to them, right? I bet that was what she was thinking too.

Like … the point is …

But it wasn't hurting less. In a weird way, although it hurt a little less everyday … in some ways … it hurt more, too. I tried to shake things up, but she didn't need me. I missed her. But I refuse to go back, even though I miss her. But …

The point is no matter how much I want to break this, I can't.

I could only take so much, and I decided that things would have to end. On the night of the summer festival, I told her to make her choice. She could only have me as a friend or a boyfriend and not some weird mix of both. We ended up making out by the lakeside.

I don't know how or why it happened, but even after all of those attempts to convince myself that things were not going to work out, I found myself trapped in her jaws as she dragged me behind her. She kept giving me a hope but not the answer I needed the question that remained unsaid. We had outings … kisses … but what was it worth? It wasn't what I wanted or needed from her. I could be there for her … but who was going to be there for me if she wouldn't?

She couldn't be there for me. Not the way she was. She had issues committing, and I had issues accepting that it was a problem. When Sasuke came back, things went down the drain. All my advances were fully rejected in public with him around, and I gave up. She was never going to change. Sakura-chan would never be able to give me her spotlight the way she had mine.

So I ran. I ran and ran until I found myself on top of the Hokage Monument. I screamed over the village, tears streaming down my face. I sat there long after the sun had set until a voice inside my head started yelling at me to do something. I could not let this day end like this. I could not let the cycle start over. I didn't want to. But I jumped off the Monument anyways and made my way to her apartment. This was going to end.

* * *

"Sakura-chan!" I knocked on the door. "Sakura-chan!" I heard quick footsteps before the door blazed open to reveal her wearing pj's. No blush came to my face, as I grabbed her, saying, "We need to talk." It was the only warning she got, before we reappeared at the Hokage Monument again.

"Are you ok, Naruto?" She asked, worry apparent in her voice. _Idiot … don't think like that!! She just worried you're going to "dump" her._ "You seem kind of tense?"

"Sakura," I said, silencing her. I gazed up at the stars for a few seconds before looking back at her. I opened my mouth and when I saw her face, I paused. We both knew that this was it. No turning back from this point. I could come up with something and save the situation … or I could grow up and say what had to be said.

"What do you want from me, Sakura?" I asked, arms open. "I've given you everything that I can, but it's never enough for you." She flinched, unable to say anything. "I've opened myself up to you, and no matter how many times I try, all you do I smash my heart and leave me to pick up the pieces."

"But I thought we had something?!" Sakura almost yelled, eye's starting the glisten.

"No!" I yelled. "YOU had something! I didn't! And I just can't take this anymore. You keep using me and then tossing me aside! Forget lovers … friends don't do that to each other. And if you can't get that …" I looked away, too frustrated to continue.

"Naruto …" Sakura started as she reached out to me. "Maybe this just was not meant to work-"

"Don't lie to yourself, Sakura." I said, sliding her arm away. "We both know what happened between us. All I can say right now is that I really don't care about us anymore. I just hope that you learn something for the next poor sap's sake." Turning around, I gave one last look at her, and whispered, "Good-bye."

* * *

That was how we parted all those months ago. She's in a new relationship, and I think I'm ready to ease myself into a new one. I'm happy I got a chance to experience her extreme. I wish her the best, but I'm looking for real happiness.

* * *

The story title is a real-life reference to Ne-yo's song which told served as Naruto's voice telling him to do something.

Not too happy actually with this one. Seemed to angsty. But some part of me wonder's how it will do, so yeah. Flames are welcome!

tennisdesi out :P


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